For this week's blog, our
assignment was to think about any disagreements, or conflicts we have
experienced and share the strategies we learned that might be helpful and
effective in managing and resolving conflict more productively.
I work really hard to have as little conflict in my life as
possible. My husband and I have small
spats every now and then. At work I have
a wonderful co-teacher and we get along well and when there are issues we are
able to talk it out.
The past few months it seems as if my life has been full of
conflict. I have a alcoholic brother
that has been living with me for almost a year and I had to ask him to leave my
home. This has to be one of the hardest
things I have ever done. Personally I
could not continue to watch him kill himself and emotionally I am drained. I have never argued with my husband as much
as I did when my brother was living with me.
On July 1 reached my boiling point. My brother had a heart attack and his organs
were beginning to decline. The doctor spoke
to us and said that if he doesn’t stop drinking he will die. I literally snapped and I exploded on my
brother. Looking back on that day I was
completely out of line and I should not have spoken to him like that. My emotions replace all my logical thinking
and I did not like the person that I was looking at in the mirror. I have realized that I can’t make my brother
be sober and right now I am choosing to love him from a distance.
I wish that I had known about NVC and the 3R’s that day. I am big on respect and I did not show my
brother respect, I did not give him a chance to talk and the truth is I was
rude to him and had a nasty attitude. I
use to have a wonderful relationship with my brother and when I was younger I
idolized him. The next time I have a
conversation with my brother I will remember the good memories and focus on how
I can support him if he chooses recovery.
When we spoke about The Platinum Rule a few weeks ago I vowed to always
have that in my mind and that is something that I plan on doing.
For me the most important thing that I can do when dealing with
my brother is to remember that he is sick and that alcoholism is a
disease.
Effective communication is such an
important part of life. It impacts every relationship, personal or
professional. I am so glad I have this class as a reminder of the proper
and effective ways to communicate. Learning about conflict resolution in
communication has helped me understand mistakes I have made in the past that
led to negative outcomes. I will apply the skills I have learned in the future
in attempt to avoid conflicts in communication.
Hi Keli, thank you for sharing a big part of your personal life with us. It must be a difficult situation watching a love one hurt themselves, but I can only imagine the emotional toll on you as well. In this situation, its more like you reached your tipping point. Good luck to you and your family. Praying for blessings and strength.
ReplyDeleteKeli,
ReplyDeleteI want to thank you for your personal example on conflict resolution and I want to also let you know that I understand exactly what you went through. I had a too, similar situation with my dad being an alcoholic and him living with me. My husband actually made me choose between him and my dad. The compromise was I got my dad his own apartment and my brother and I take turns taking care of him.
Hi Keli,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing and I just want you to know you are not alone. I have a similar story with my brother and sadly I always let my emotions get the better of me when I am confronted with a challenging topic with him. I know I am doing wrong now thanks to this class and the first AA family group meeting I went to. They read a letter from a Alcoholic and it really got to me and how I handle situations with my brother. I to plan to change the way I talk to him and am thankful for this class in giving me the strategies to use in order to be more effective at my communication.
Crystal