"We Don't Say Those Words in Class!"

In this blog, I was asked to identify a time when I witnessed an adult (or myself) reprimand or silence a child after he or she pointed out someone they saw as different. I often talk about experiences that I have had with my niece Kalynn. We spend a lot of time together, and I have watched her grow and develop into a sting willed, independent 10-year-old. When Kalynn was five years old, we would spend every weekend in the park. I have three dogs, and she loved to run around with them. On this particular day, we decided to go to Piedmont Park, located in Midtown Atlanta. Midtown Atlanta has a reputation for its large gay community, and I did not think that Kalynn would notice because I wasn't paying attention to the people around us. We ventured to Piedmont on a Sunday, and I learned later that Sundays at Piedmont has been called Gay Sundays. Kalynn and I were walking around trying to locate the playground and were approached by a group of guys that wanted a closer look at the dogs. Kalynn became extremely uncomfortable and grabbed my hand and moved as close to me as possible. I looked down to see what was going on with her, and she looked so scared. I asked her what was wrong, and she replied that she did not want to go to hell for speaking to "faggots." To say that I was shocked is an understatement. The guys playing with my dogs heard her and so did the people walking nearby. For about 15 seconds I had no clue how to handle this situation. I believe the first thing I said to her was that we did not use that word. I apologized to the men and went to sit on a bench with Kalynn. At the time, she was going to a Christian school, and I wanted to know where she had heard that word. Kalynn informed me that she heard her friends brother telling someone that if he saw two men holding hands or kissing then they were "faggots". She also said that her friends father had told his son that those people go straight to hell, and so did anyone that spoke to them. I thanked Kalynn for sharing that with me and told her that she was not in trouble. Instead of staying on the bench, I decided that the best way to teach her about homosexuality would be to walk around and talk about what we saw. We located the playground, and there was a couple there with their two children. I asked Kalynn to describe what she saw, and she said that she saw two little girls and two men. I then asked her who did she think the two men were, and she seemed confused. I explained to her that they were the girl's fathers. I then compared the relationship that we had. I am not Kalynn's mother, but for the first several years of her life neither her mother or father were present in her life and I became her mother figure. I explained to her that even though I was not the woman that gave birth to her that I loved her like she was my daughter. We talked more about it and before long Kalynn was on the playground with the two girls and I was talking to their dads. I explained to them what had happened, and they told me that they had had to deal with situations like that often at their kids school. The advised me to continue having conversations with Kalynn about differences and to let her ask all the questions she wanted. Now five years later, Kalynn and I have an amazing relationship, and I am glad that she feels comfortable in knowing that she can talk to me about anything. It is important as anti-bias educators to encourage and support children sharing what they think and how they feel (Derman-Sparks & Edwards, 2010). Encouraging this openness will “help teachers to asses each child’s cognitive and emotional development, thereby strengthening our ability to provide accurate information and to teach respectful ways for interacting which in turn, creates a sense of community among the children” (Derman-Sparks & Edwards, 2010, p. 129). Reference: Derman-Sparks, L., & Olsen Edwards, J. (2010). Anti-bias education for young children and ourselves. Washington, DC: NAEYC.